Ballmer calls up Gates after Yahoo! Deal call off!

Note:This is an imaginary comic article. This is just a satire and contains no facts.

After the Yahoo! Deal was laid off, the whole Microsoft felt deceived and upset. On January 31st 2008, YHOO stocks closed at 19.03$. And a day after, the Microsoft announcing its interest to takeover the internet giant, its stock prices shot up to 28$ in a single day and even reached 30$ at some point of time. But because of the indifferent approach of Yahoo! Board, Microsoft had to call off the deal. Post Yahoo!, an upset Gates calls up Ballmer.

Gates: What is this, Steve? I expected more from you. You should have gone for the proxy fight. Why did you give up?
Ballmer: No dear. There’s no point in it. They were asking for too much. And moreover they will anyway tie up with Google; there is no point in taking over in that case.
Gates: What can we do now? How do we save our face? I am not able to concentrate on my philanthropy 'business', you see.
Ballmer: Even I am thinking about it. I tried my luck on Facebook, MySpace, but they did not budge. Then tried revamping Live.com, no one is even visiting it. Now after Yahoo! I see no way out.
Gates: Why don’t we take our fight to our old friend, Apple? Can we announce a iPhone killer?
Ballmer: Not a bad idea! We can in fact. We can use the Zune hardware, with an Xbox processor and put Vista in it….
Gates: Vista? Will it fit in? The kernel itself is 3 GB!!
Ballmer: Bill, why are you talking like a child! We can always revamp it. As we always used to do! We will remove the security module, Aero, the file system, the boot loader and…yeah, the multimedia too.
Gates: What will be left then?
Ballmer: The DOS kernel!
Gates: Still the DOS kernel? I thought we developed a new kernel for Vista?
Ballmer: Yeah, we did. Who said otherwise? We rewrote the whole DOS kernel from C to C#.
Gates: How innovative! I am impressed. Now what we will we name our new product? It should really be something people can easily recognize. Something like iPhone…how about oPhone?
Ballmer: I am afraid, O2 might complain….what about GPhone?
Gates: Its already there you homie…Google Phone, so are the SPhone, KPhone etc. All patented.
Ballmer: No alphabets left? Oh, hey! How about xPhone? That adds an x-factor... oh heavens.. I am amazed on my own creativity!!!
Gates: Dude, watch out, x rating your product won’t help. I think we should go in our Windows line, 98, Millenium, 2000, XP, Vista….why don’ we name it Pista?
Ballmer: Oh, you better name it some Chocolate or strawberry…ha ha
Gates: Hey! You said it! Strawberry! We can also challenge blackberry with it! You are a genius! I am convinced.
Ballmer: thanks (blushing).
Gates: So, when can we have the press conference?...

when technology gets advanced, people get silly.

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D conference, 6th edition of digital Pandora's box!

All things Digital is the yearly conference of the tech world, hosted by Wall Street Journal and has been going on since 2003. Walt Mossberg and Kara Swisher shoot questions mercilessly at the opponent, be it the richest man on earth, Bill Gates, or his most innovative counterpart Steve Jobs.
The D6 or the 6th edition, was held from 26th to 29th of May and was eagerly watched over by the Geeks. It was really a Pandora’s box which opened Microsoft's ideas for Windows 7, Yahoo's own Jerry Yang's confessions, Facebook's Toddler CEO Mark Zuckerberg's amateurish answers. You have all that. It a complete, 3 day long soap for techies.
Last 3 days I was doing no work in office, but following the whole D thing. And thanks to the D6 website, I could get nice video highlights, and transcripts of the happenings. I wish I were in California rather than in some remote town in India, so that I could also get to see these things live.

Nevertheless, the 6th edition was pretty interesting to watch, it kept up with its tradition. Remember the Bill Gates- Steve Jobs sharing the podium in last year’s version? That is the best thing about the D. There are no cuts, no second takes, no cover ups. The sharp tongues of Kara and Walt battle with the big corporate legends, and even audience get their chance. It foams out so much information.

I will brief some of the highlights of this year, before I write separate blogs for those which I feel are very much interesting and useful.

First and foremost, as always the Microsoft, wherever they go they pull crowd. This time it was Bill Gates along with his long term partner and CEO Steve Ballmer, and discussed about the Yahoo! deal, the Vista debacle, and more interestingly the first sneak peaks on Windows 7.

Then you had Jerry Yang along with Yahoo! President Sue Decker almost struggling to put up a smiling face and say Yahoo! is not dead! Yahoo! is rising.

Also, the sandal CEO, Mark Zuckerberg at last shed his habit of wearing sandals for public meets! No that is not the big news, he along with Sheryl Sandberg opened up about what is actually Facebook, “Share, share, share, share…” he kept on saying this so many times. It was clear, though he is too good a techie, not yet trained completely for the public speech. And between share, he also said, Facebook is not interested in Microsoft deal or an IPO right now.

We had Melinda Gates talking about pulling Bill out of Microsoft for more efforts on philanthropy, and their plans on how to make the world a better place.

Apart from that there were many others like Rupert Murdoch talking about news in general and news.com in particular. Amazon.com’s own Jeff Bezos and much many. But I will end this blog with some interesting quotes.

“No product we have shipped including Windows 95 has given 100% of what i wanted in that product…” Bill Gates, when asked whether Vista was able to achieve what it expected to.

"I do think I'm the best person to run Yahoo. Not only because I bleed purple, and bleed Yahoo..." Jerry Yang, when attacked asking whether he should actually remain Yahoo's head.

"Eric (Schmidth) and Larry (Page) came over to my apartment, but I didn't have enough furniture, so Eric sat on the floor.." Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, when asked about his relationship with Google.

"we have a culture that is very much about "we need to do better". Vista has given us more opportunities to exercise the culture than some other products we have shipped." Bill Gates, again on the Vista failure.

"Kara:Do you use MySpace? Murdoch: No. Kara: Facebook? Murdoch shakes head: No", media veteran, and news Corp. head Rupert Murdoch.

That will all in this coverage I suppose, I will come back again with the individual events, which I found interesting, till then here is link for you to feed upon.
All things Digital website.

Also check out my tech blog with a sense of sattire and humor, sillytech.
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